


I've Been Meaning to Tell You

by emitokki



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, Men Crying, Mentioned Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Past Relationship(s), a wonkyun fic feat a lake, but nothing too heart wrenching, but one is too in love and one is holding back, hyunwonho used to date in this, i love this maybe too much, its very cute, kinda like a normal confession one shot, past decisions coming to bite hoseok's ass, skipping rocks, this has some angst yeah, until it stops being cute midway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emitokki/pseuds/emitokki
Summary: “Why only now? We’ve been friends for quite some time now. If you had been, you know, just desperately waiting to show this to me, why now?”"Been waiting.""For what?""The perfect evening."





	I've Been Meaning to Tell You

Going to a secluded part of the forest at night wasn’t part of Changkyun’s bucket list. Definitely not. 

He and Hoseok were hanging out outside a small convenience store just a few hours ago, so he’s definitely surprised at the fact that they went from playing with their empty Cola cans using a blunt wooden pencil to pushing tall wisps of grass out of the way to make a path for themselves, well… somewhere. Changkyun doesn’t even know where they were headed; Hoseok simply whispered in his ear, “Let me take you somewhere.”

Changkyun admits that he would rather shoot his own foot with a pistol than admit that he felt his pants tighten at the statement.

His hand was tightly clasped by Hoseok as he was led to some part of the forest. The older man’s movement was confident and brisk, at least, so Changkyun wasn’t scared of probably ending up getting lost with him. In the time spent getting dragged forward by Hoseok and listening to both of their tired and heavy pants, Changkyun begins takes his surroundings into consideration from the trees to the grass that were basked in darkness.

In the light atmosphere of the evening, he breathes in the crisp night air and admires the way the trees seem to loom over smaller plants that litter everywhere. Crickets are chirping in the background as the soft crunch of dry leaves underneath their footsteps do nothing more than please him. It’s dark of course, despite the bright yet dim light that the moon emits, and Changkyun wonders how Hoseok seems so confident in where he’s headed.

“We’re almost there,” says Hoseok from in front of him. Changkyun would reply that he sounded way too excited just from a little walk in the forest, but he holds his tongue and nods even though he knows Hoseok’s eyes were focused on the direction ahead.

A few more trudges here and there until Changkyun noticed that there were only small patches of grass left, no more tall weeds that itch his sides. He looks up and sees a small lake (well, from what he can see), two wooden benches with one long wooden table attached to it, and just… a _lot_ or rocks. It’s beautiful, despite the lack of decorations. Different types of plants ranging from flowers to plants that Changkyun didn’t know even existed were scattered everywhere, and the lake just gleams beautifully, he can’t tell how deep it goes, he would be scared but he just stares.

When Changkyun turns his head at Hoseok with the intention of lunging at him gratefully, he makes eye contact with him, though short, due to the fact that the taller between them walked off to sit on one of the benches. Changkyun glances at the lake and his eyebrows rise slightly at an incoming thought.

“Hey, hyung,” he calls out, and said man hums a brief tune to show that he’s listening. 

Changkyun looks at the lake on more time before making his way to sit on the table (“wait, wait,”) and plants his shoes on the bench next to where Hoseok sits. “How did you, uh, find this place?”

He doesn’t want to look down on him, so Changkyun just looks at his shoes which had tiny wisps on grass and weed all over. Some dirt too, he inspects as Hoseok replies, “Don’t you like it?”

“No, no! I love it, actually, maybe too much even though we just got here.” Changkyun hastily replies. “It’s just that, _how_ did you find it? We had to walk for a really long time and I doubt you’d remember where to go if you found this recently.” He imagines young Hoseok finding the lake and immediately running home to tell his friends about it and going back to the lake in routines, everyday, every monday, or every other day to remember.

Hoseok leans on the edge of the table and smiles. “We didn’t walk for that long, Kyun. And, uh, this used to be Hyungwon and I’s hangout spot.”

Oh.

“You, uh, you used to go out with Hyungwon, right?” Trying to feign nonchalance, Changkyun mutters his reply and tries not to let his jealousy show. Knowing that he was some sort of substitute for a past lover felt a bit like a bullet wound on his pride. But looking at Hoseok now, it’s clear he’s over what has happened. He has to be.

At the same time, it didn’t matter, he and Hoseok weren’t in a romantic relationship. They were just friends, and in this moment, it was just the two of them being comfortable with each other’s presence.

“Of course you knew,” Hoseok says, almost dreadfully, but Changkyun doesn’t want to look deeper into it. “He actually initiated the idea, saying, ‘it’s fine if we have fun even for just one night, we won’t get lost.’ We didn’t get lost, fortunately, just like he said, but we found this place, and since then, it became one of our favorite places to hang. I’ve actually been meaning to show you this for a really long time.”

It must hurt to be in a place that holds so many memories both good and bad, all that just has so much meaning. Changkyun notes how he doesn’t dwell on Hyungwon too much. He couldn’t get mad at him for it, though. From how things went that one Saturday afternoon, maybe some things are left unsaid and kept in the dark. He nods. The water seems to sway slightly along with him.

“Why only now? We’ve been friends for quite some time now. If you had been, you know, just desperately waiting to show this to me, why now? I mean, look--” the shorter one between them throws his hand aimlessly at the lake in an attempt to describe its beauty wordlessly. He had expected himself to have something to say, but nothing. He’s been thunked speechless.

Hoseok laughs slightly and throws the rock at the lake meanwhile seemingly waiting until the small object completely disappears from sight and under the dark water before he speaks in a hushed tone despite the silence. “Been waiting.”

“For what?”

The older man turns his head to face Changkyun and his eyes seem to glint in the dim light and the other just helplessly stares back, feeling as if he was gonna topple over just from the intense gaze he was met. He blushes and looks down again at his dirty shoes.

“The perfect evening.”

Changkyun fakes a chuckle, but finds himself smiling genuinely. “There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect evening’, hyung. You’ve been watching too many soap operas.”

His hyung laughs slightly too, though it dissipates and allows a thin shroud of silence cover the conversation even for just a few seconds. 

“Maybe so, yeah, but you won’t enjoy this place as much if you were to come here in the daytime. Look closely, over there,” Hoseok says as he points in a direction Changkyun tries to focus on by leaning forward, though all he sees is darkness, he decides to pretend and nod his head. “There’s a huge -- well, not really huge -- but impressive pile of garbage.”

“You cleaned this place?!” Changkyun gasps. “Your apartment is just disgusting, but you would clean this huge lake voluntarily?”

“I didn’t clean this, Kyun. I’m guessing a bunch of kids were being little shits and contributed to the garbage. But I made my point. If you saw this in broad daylight, you’d see things you don’t usually notice at night.”

A frown forms on Changkyun’s features. The thought of garbage tainting the area doesn’t baffle him, it happens often these days. “Why tonight?” he queries.

To the younger’s surprise, the other stands up and pats whatever dirt was present off his pants and pulls Changkyun off the table to stand with him. He almost comments something slightly offensive at how gentle Hoseok was with him when usually he would just randomly pull on his shirt to garner some attention, but he holds his tongue and tries not to show how flustered he is from the care and decides to look at the rocks that were scattered everywhere.

A soft pat on the back of the shoulder is felt and Changkyun instinctively looks up and makes eye contact once again. 

“Have you skipped a rock before?” says Hoseok suddenly, ignoring the question that he had been asked a few moments ago.

He tries not to let the lack of answer nip at the back of his mind, but he knows that the curiosity is just clawing at his consciousness. Changkyun just ends up wondering what Hoseok’s true intention was. Showing him a beautiful (but dirty) lake some time past midnight was a very Hoseok thing to do, but Changkyun prefers to ponder over the possibility that he was called in for something more.

He shakes his head, both to clear his mind off of his thoughts and in reply to Hoseok.

“Come here, I’ll show you.” Changkyun notices how the moonlight makes his hyung’s skin seem more pale than usual as said man bends over, looking and skimming through rocks. He moves closer and patiently waits.

Changkyun opens his hands despite the fact that it was an extremely chilly evening when he sees Hoseok walk towards him with a few pebbles in hand. The man puts a smooth and light rock that seems more triangular in shape rather than circular.

“Hold it like this,” comes a hushed tone from in front of him. He looks and tries to imitate how Hoseok holds his own pebble in his hand. Changkyun probably misplaced a finger since a warm hand encloses his and fingers start adjusting his.

The shorter between them tries to ignore how fast his heart beats at it. It’s been far too long and welcoming it with open arms isn’t something he looks forward to.

Maybe Hoseok’s hand had lingered a second too long, because when his hand eventually moves back, Changkyun’s own hand has tingles littered all over, and if his heart beat any faster, the pebble would end up on the floor.

With his index finger curling around the edge of the pebble, he tries his best not to drop it.

“There, now throw it.” Changkyun can hear the grin in his sentence. “Snap your wrist, be quick.” So Changkyun does, one second, the pebble is in his grasp, in the next, it’s up in the air.

Hoseok laughs out loud all of a sudden, and Changkyun’s cheeks pool with heat in embarrassment over his companion’s lack of care for the volume of his voice (though they were completely alone) and the fact that he threw the pebble upward so it just sinks after a bloop.

Changkyun keeps hitting Hoseok’s chest with punches that prove themselves futile at the other man’s nonchalance. Hoseok continues laughing despite his companion’s attempts at getting him to shut up.

“What the fuck was that? That looked incredibly pathetic and adorable!” Hoseok manages to wheeze out.

With a hand on his hip and a hot face due to his friend’s statement, Changkyun stops hitting Hoseok and fakes a confident smile, “All incredible people, like Olympians, have to start somewhere.” He notices how the man across him can clearly see through his façade. “Not all people start out great, I might be the legendary skipper of rocks someday, you know!”

Hoseok whistles. “With that skill? Maybe someday, not today though. Definitely not.”

“Oh shut up and teach me.”

Changkyun’s back straightens as if a bolt of electricity struck him once a hand rests on the natural curve. He had been slouching, apparently. He turns to look at Hoseok and wonders how he failed to notice the man get closer. Their faces were close, and the hand on his back felt like a dead reminder of the intimate position they were in.

He moves back and adjusts on his own.

Hoseok’s smile falters, and a small gleam of hope blooms in Changkyun’s chest but he decides to focus on trying to imitate the complex position the other man is in rather than his hot cheeks and heavy chest. The man has his knees bent, feet a few inches apart as his toes point towards the beautiful lake. He follows.

Changkyun isn’t stupid, he is aware of how much he glances at him, and it hits him how attracted he is to Hoseok, his roommate and one of his closest friends. Hoseok, a guy that has a bright future ahead of him, with so much passion and talent in what he knows he is capable of; a guy that is smart, knows when he is in the right or if he is the wrong; a guy that Changkyun realizes he had fallen for far too late; a guy that has made Changkyun’s heart beat way too fast for comfort.

His mind flashes to Hyungwon, whose cries echo throughout Changkyun’s room as Changkyun himself rubs circles on his back solemnly. 

He frowns albeit short, and holds his brand new pebble in his hand. With a nod of Hoseok’s head, he throws, and hopes he threw his anxiety and feelings for a certain man along with it. 

“Holy shit! Changkyun, Your pebble skipped two times!” Hoseok says loudly, ecstatic, and the shorter boy tries to listen despite the unseen weight that can be felt on his chest, but he smiles. Hoseok probably noticed the inauthenticity as his own smile falters. “Hey, you okay?”

The man in question shakes his head, and he wonders if he shaked his head too fast or too slow to show hint to a lie. “I’m fine, just surprised that I learned that fast.”

Hoseok immediately grins, relieved. “Cool, thought you had a mini breakdown for a minute.”

As the moon shines over them from above and the stars twinkle in the dark night, the both of them skipped rocks, as quick as they could, as best as they could, though one has thoughts that shroud the joy of the experience, and one has words left unsaid in his mouth.

Changkyun doesn’t know what time it is, the sounds of rocks bouncing from one side of the lake to the other, his laughter going along with Hoseok’s own soft chuckles, Hoseok’s sneers and teasing statements, and his heart just blaring _I love him, I really do_ makes him forget and lose track. It’s not pleasant, and it astounds him as to how a lake found somewhere in the middle of a forest just makes him realise.

Maybe it’s because of the moonlight, the dim shadows. But he knows, in the back of head, Hoseok made him understand. A silent, subtle connection that flows effortlessly between the both of them.

“You haven’t answered my question yet, y’know.” Changkyun said, and it breaks the peaceful mood between them at once. Hoseok looks at him, like _really looks at him_. Changkyun wants to look down and break eye contact, but he doesn’t and holds his ground.

“What question?” Changkyun knows that Hoseok _knows_ what question. He notices how he tries to delay the interrogation defensively. It almost frustrates him, but he remains patient. He throws his rock one last time, without the intent of making it skip on the lake water so it just sinks directly.

His hand feels empty, and so does his intrepidity. “Wh-why tonight?” 

Hoseok frowns, and it tugs at Changkyun’s heart strings. He knows he did nothing wrong, but it feels as if he did, it feels as if he may have accidentally reopened a wound that was supposed to remain closed. It remains quiet for what feels like an extremely long hour, but from the chirping crickets on the backgrounds, it hasn’t been more than half a minute,

“You know what day it is, today, right?” 

And at that, Changkyun feels admiration suffocate his lungs, admiration for the man who was clearly afraid to speak his thoughts, is now speaking boldly yet tentatively.

He nods his head, “I do. it’s March 10… if I were to guess.” Hating how he pauses in the middle of his sentence, Changkyun breaks eye contact shortly before looking back once again at Hoseok’s brown eyes.

Silence ensues once again, and Changkyun feels nothing more than malice for the constant pauses in their conversation, it just forces him to dreadfully wait for what’s about to come. Hoseok nods his head, as if letting Changkyun understand for himself, and that does nothing more than aggravate him, he has no clue. What does he--

Hyungwon.

The same day, Saturday, Hyungwon had visited their dorm, pointedly ignoring Hoseok’s belongings that were littered on the floor. He had arrived with tears on his face, his shirt was blatantly wrinkled, and he had pointed a protruding finger in Changkyun’s direction. An act that both confused and offended the man since he knew nothing as to why Hoseok’s boyfriend would glare at him accusingly.

“You knew, didn’t you?” The skinny guy’s anger was evident in the way he spoke, but it’s clear to Changkyun that he had been holding back, and it scared him. He wasn’t part of anything involving the both of them, he and Hoseok weren’t even _friends_ at the time.

Changkyun had tried to level his breathing, “I don’t-- I, Hyungwon, I _don’t know_ anything. I thi-think you got the wrong person.” He gasped immediately when a fist slammed the door loudly. The door had flown back to cause an even louder impact on the cement wall. In the sweltering heat that one afternoon, Changkyun found himself unable to breathe, and feared having next door people barge in to eavesdrop on the dispute. That was the last thing he wanted even though Hyungwon’s hand was clearly shaking violently.

“No,” He replied aggressively. “You _knew_ , why didn’t you tell me?”

“Hyung, listen to me.”

“Liar!” The taller man had wailed, desperate ad longing. “Liar liar liar liar _liar_!” The sob that came from his mouth visibly fucked him up, and soon after, Changkyun found himself having the urge to cry, too, but he tried to remain tearless despite the heavy atmosphere.

“Hyung, what happened?” Changkyun walked in small and hesitant steps towards the the crying man as he fell down the floor meanwhile looking helpless and heartbroken, and it fueled a stuffy sob in Changkyun’s throat. “Tell me, please, let me help you, hyung please.”

“ _Don’t touch me_ ,” Hyungwon seethed when he caught a sight of Changkyun’s reaching hand. Terrified yet hesitant, Changkyun retracts his arm. “You knew, but you did nothing, Changkyun! You were supposed to be my friend! You were okay with him playing with me? Are you really a friend, Changkyun? Because I see nothing more than a snake in front of me.”

Changkyun was Changkyun. He was himself. He was an innocent guy that shares a dorm with a really hot guy that has a really hot boyfriend. Never had he thought nor expected himself to be part of a drama that didn’t involve him in any way. And maybe that was it; Maybe that was what caused Changkyun to inhale in fury, all his frustration building up on him, from the wrong and meaningless accusations to the cryptic and ignorant attitude of Hyungwon

“How am I supposed to know?!” Changkyun screamed, and suddenly, it had felt as if all the air in his lungs has been released and free from captivation. He couldn’t breathe. “How am I supposed to know if you won’t let me help you?! What did I do, hyung? I know nothing, I did nothing! We’re friends, and if I knew something that would make you cry so much, do you think I wouldn’t tell you?!” 

Deep down, Changkyun felt guilty.

“You didn’t, Changkyun. That’s the problem.”

And Changkyun cried, finally. He sobbed, and just let out the frustration, and at that moment, he felt like a child throwing an unreasonable tantrum. He would be embarrassed, but he himself knowing that he is innocent prevents the emotions from going through him.

Hyungwon hugged him all of a sudden, his long arms wrapped around Changkyun’s shoulders, and momentarily, Changkyun felt like the victim in the situation. Curiosity knocked slightly in the back of his head, but he just leaned his head on Hungwon’s collar bone.

They sway slightly as the both of them calmed down. None of them spk for a while.

The only time Changkyun ever moved was when he pulled away from Hyungwon, who had inhales second before, clearly intent on saying something. Changkyun wondered why he held his breath at the incoming words. But it didn’t matter at that point.

“I’m sorry, Kyun.”

A breath and a pause followed.

“What happened, hyung?” Changkyun muttered, holding Hyungwon’s hand in between his, kneading it soothingly. Trying to comfort the taller man as best as he could clearly did nothing to ease the mood, but it was fine, as Hyungwon eventually opened up, although it had caused tears to come out once again. 

The entire afternoon had been nothing more but a horrible memory in Changkyun’s mind. A moment of fragility.

Changkyun looks once at the lake before looking at Hoseok with an intense gaze. The intensity clearly had emotion laced through it since the man looked down guiltily. In this moment is when Changkyun notices the way the man’s black hair shines under the moonlight quite brightly, but his eyes seemed dim, terrified.

There were questions left unsaid, maybe in another world, if the night had gone differently, Changkyun would say that it didn’t matter, but as Hyungwon’s sobs echo through his head, he opens his mouth. For the best, at least.

“Why did you think lying to him was a good idea?”

For the first time ever since the start of their friendship, Changkyun finally managed to make Hoseok feel genuine guilt. The man had been a rock, though with bubbling laughter and happy grins, Changkyun had never made him feel an emotion that just strikes him quiet and speechless.

The shorter man frowns. “You could have just rejected him the first time, there was no need to lead him on hyung.”

Just then, Hoseok’s shoulders start to shake, and Changkyun wants nothing more than to hug him, just like how Hyungwon did with him. But it was too late, he was already crying. Too.

“I actually loved him.” Comes the defensive reply, and Changkyun listens. “He became my world, even for just a while. He mattered to me, Changkyun. When I stopped loving him and I eventually started liking someone else, I was too afraid to confront him head on--”

“Well you should have!” Changkyun yells out, and this time, he doesn’t care that his voice is extremely loud. It felt like his frustration finally devoured him, and it feels like a shot to the gut because just moments ago, he and Hoseok were being giggly fucks while skipping rocks. It’s stupid.

So were his feelings, because even though the man in front of him had done something extremely selfish, Changkyun himself is selfish for falling for someone that made a huge dent in his friend’s life.

“I was scared of losing him, I loved him too much to let go, and I knew it was gonna bite me in the ass, and it did, Changkyun. It did! I lost him, but that doesn’t matter now. I don’t love him anymore.”

Changkyun sighs, “I just wanted to know what happened. Hyung never told me, and I never knew why he accused me of knowing something i didn’t.”

Hoseok looks at him in the eye, and Changkyun then sees how puffy and broken he looked. It hurt him so much, and just maybe, it's a bit controversial to feel hurt for a guy that had fucked up badly in the past. “He never told you?”

“He went to me and cried, that’s all he did. I was scared of bringing it up in our conversations because I was scared of making him cry that hard again. You should have seen him, it was horrible.”

It became quiet for a while, it didn’t last longer than a minute. Hoseok had looked as if he had been debating something in his head the entire time, so when he speaks, he sounds sure yet reluctant of his words.

“I loved you.”

A flower that blooms too fast, a flower filled with emotion that overwhelms Changkyun fills up his lungs, his chest, his heart, his head. Love, that is what it is.

“You did?” Nothing less of a stammer comes out of Changkyun’s mouth, a blatant sign of embarrassment that caused the man in front of him to smile, thought it disappears as brisk as it came. 

“I still do, y’know.” Hoseok shrugs. “What a horrible time to let you know I’ve been pining over you for quite some time now. But, uh, tonight, I should have confessed and hoped for the best but we got this,” He points at his red eyes and drying tear stains sheepishly, “God, I just--”

A giggle escapes Changkyun’s mouth, and he hates it, but he just let’s it run past. “I just wanted to know, and yeah, we kind of _did_ end up crying, but it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

Hoseok hums.

“Hyungwon’s happy with Hyunwoo hyung now, I’m happy for them, yeah, but that doesn’t change what you did. It was pretty shitty. You fucked him up quite badly. It was just the outcome of a bad decision.” Changkyun doesn’t swear often, but the glee fills him up, replacing the dread and uncertainty a few moments ago. “Fuck it, yeah?”

To his surprise, Hoseok finally smiles. “I’m glad, for them, you know. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I did was a bad thing, but I’m a story to tell at this point. There’s probably nothing better than that.”

“You’re okay with being called, ‘this shitty ex I used to have?’”

“Maybe I am, I’m glad that Hyungwon moved on, and I’m glad he’s happy now, and I’m glad you’re here with me and not spiting me, and I’m glad that you aren’t rejecting me.”

“I didn’t yet?” Changkyun attempts to joke, but the words had come out far too rude and unintentionally mean, and he flinches when he sees Hoseok’s frown and slumping shoulders. He’s too flustered at his mistake to even try and correct himself. Just when he opens his mouth, a new tear runs off Hoseok’s beautiful brown eyes.

He fucked up quite badly.

Hoseok suddenly walks away from him but Changkyun is quick to grab him on the shoulders and turn him around to lock him in probably the clumsiest kiss that ceases to exist. Their lips have yet to find a rhythm they both agree to but once they did, the kiss became so much more than just a sign of love. Whenever Changkyun imagines a scene in which he voluntarily approaches Hoseok to kiss him, it always ends heartbreak, so finding and having the courage to act upon his feelings is such a glorious moment for him.

Maybe it made Changkyun smile too much, but that was okay, because he can feel Hoseok smile, too, as the man wraps his bulky arms around Changkyun’s waist. At that moment, all he could feel was Hoseok’s lips against his as their mouths move together in a rhythm that was only familiar to the both of them. Changkyun wonders where he got the courage to tangle Hoseok’s hair in between his fingers.

When the older man starts biting Changkyun’s lower lip, as embarrassed as he is to admit it, Changkyun eagerly opens his mouth at once. When his tongue pokes in, he just feels the moment and avoids letting his thoughts invade on something so intimate and important to him. Hoseok’s tongue runs through the insides of Changkyun’s mouth, causing the shorter man to let out a muffled moan that encourages the other to grip his waist even tighter.

Only when lust and heat pool in Changkyun’s gut is when he pushes Hoseok back as he inhales and exhales loudly.

Hoseok gasps out load, too, looking extremely debauched. “Fuck,” he says breathlessly and tries to smoothen the wrinkles that were evident on his shirt. “I was so scared, y’know? That’s why I walked away -- I thought you hated me for what I did to Hyungwon, but here you are.” He throws his arm at Changkyun’s direction. “You kissed me and I-I don’t even know what to say.”

“I fucking love you, dumbass, do you think I would let you walk away and leave me here in this lake?” Hoseok laughs at that. “What happened was then, a thing in the past and Hyungwon hyung forgave you, didn’t he?”

“He did,” Admits Hoseok.

Changkyun smiles at him slightly, and waits for a cricket chirp before he speaks again. “Why did you bring me here today on the 10th of March?”

The black haired man in front of him looks down, clearly flustered, and usually, Changkyun’s patience runs dry when someone waits too long to answer, but Hoseok makes him calm down, and makes him wait.

“Hyungwon accused you of knowing something, didn’t he?” When Changkyun nods, Hoseok nods back, ready. “He thought you and I were a thing back then. He thought that you knew I was going to break up with him for you, and… Maybe he was right.”

“What do you mean?” Changkyun’s brows furrow, and he looks up confusingly at Hoseok. “You and I were barely considered friends back then.”

“I was going to break up with him to court you.”

Changkyun gasps unintentionally louder than he had expected and immediately covers his mouth with his left hand. “ _That long_?”

Suddenly, his heart chest thrums so much faster than when he had been filled with the sudden adrenaline and rush to kiss Hoseok. He holds his heart tightly with his right hand and he can’t help but laugh happily, though the guilt is present, it both flusters and flatters him that Hoseok, a guy he liked, had reciprocated his feelings even back since then.

“If it makes you giggle any more, I liked you even before that.” Hoseok runs a hand up and down Changkyun’s arm. “Maybe ‘round when you arrived at the dorm, looking like a soggy chip because it had been raining that time, right? You were soaked and dear fucking god did you make me want to punch a wall.”

“I-”

“And when I asked you for your name, when you spoke, you _surprised_ me, because look at you! You’re short, cute, and insatiable at times, but your voice was deeper than mine, even, and I was so so much older than you, and _wow_! You took my breath away, and I was just extremely enamored.”

“Hoseo-”

“I didn’t like you just for your physical attributes, I liked you a lot because you always make me ramen at ungodly hours in the morning when I have a bitch fit, you always give me your extra blankets even if it’s snowing outside and our dorm dropped to less than a degree, you always try to teach me things I never even knew and never really gave a shit about, and you were there for me, and I love you for that.” Hoseok smiles, his chest heaving up and down from his monologue. “I love you, maybe too much to the point wherein I'll probably explode if I don't tell you all this."

Changkyun cries again, that night. Far into the forest in a hidden area the lake gleams under the moonlight so delicately, just like the way he presses his lips against Hoseok’s again, and again, and again.

**Author's Note:**

> I PROMISE I'LL POST SOMETHING A BIT MORE LIGHT SOON!! i just love writing about them in unpleasant situations (if you call what happened unpleasant)
> 
> (also if it isn't really clear, hyungwonho is actually friends now, the both of them moved on from what happened back then and decided to keep things civil (but being friends isn't a very civil thing to do, oh well))
> 
> leave a kudo if you enjoyed, and a comment if you have something to say! I would gladly accept as much feedback as I could get ♡♡


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